There is no motivation like regret
I always stop and pause whenever I choose a title for a blog post. More often than not, I rush the process. The end product is often something glib, vacuous or vague. There are times, however, like now, when I choose to write first and then title the post after, in the hope that the title I give the particular entry is more appropriate.
Graduation came and went on the 15th of July 2009, even though I effectively graduated on the 1st of June 2009 at 1300hrs when my last paper ended. Nonetheless, the ceremony is significant not because I walked across the stage for a mere 8 seconds before collecting my certificate, but because it was a wake up call that the next phase of my life beckons.
Where do I go from here? Having successfully applied for a pupillage at Rajah & Tann, it seems as though the next 2 years or so will involve completing the bar examination and, with luck, being retained by the Firm as an associate. I would not go so far as to say that I could have forseen, or planned, such a smooth transition from student to working adult…but the moment I applied myself to my studies, finding work with a firm would never prove to be the difficult bit. As always, the real challenge lies in excelling at the task laid before me.
As I take stock of all that has happened, and it has happened all too quickly, I find my life fitting together in an uncomfortably predictable pattern. Whilst I harbour the hope of qualifying for the BCL, I am well aware that my chances of actually making it into such a prestigious post-graduate course are so slim as to be considered marginal. True, I did finish the last 2 years of law school strongly, and partially achieved the goals that I set for myself. I say partially because, for all my effort, I only managed to muster a second-upper class honours, albeit a strong one.
In one sense, graduation was a painful proceeding not least because I felt that had I put my nose to the grindstone from the outset, I would have managed to achieve a first class. I thought that 2 years of solid effort would have been enough, given that it was only the grades from those 2 years which counted, but that was a grave mistake. The importance of the first year is that it ensures that one gets into the rhythm of a given course, and it allows you to make the mistakes that you would otherwise make in the second year, when it counts. Thus, despite the herculean effort that I put into my second year, the grades I achieved were, though above average, wholly insufficient to secure an overall first class. Had put in effort from the very first year, my second year grades would have mirrored my third year and there would be no regrets.
But that is not how life ever pans out, is it? What would life be like, without a motivation as strong as regret?
The only thing that has changed is that I know now that I have what it takes to excel in my chosen field of work and study….and, if there is anything that my 2 years of hard work has bought me, it is self-belief that I can, with a great deal of sacrifice, be the best at what I am doing.
That, I suppose, is pretty much all that has been on my mind as of late.
As for what has passed, the Euro trip was excellent and Jo and I had a wonderful time covering London, Paris, Barcelona, Madrid, Porto, Lisbon, Amsterdam and Bristol…though my Spanish experience leaves me needing to apply for a new IC and driving licence, having been the victim of pick-pocket theft. Heh.
Within 2 days I’ll be returning to Singapore for the forseeable future and what a busy couple of months lies before me! Aside from Han’s wedding preparations and rehearsals (am I still planning the bachelor’s party?), there is the bar exam and, hopefully, a spot of teaching to come (God knows i need the money).
Leave a Reply